Personality traits are not all good or bad. They have advantages as well as disadvantages. Perfectionism has done me a lot of favours over the years. It really helped with studying and working as a doctor but I found that I started to struggle with it when I became a parent. I remember when my health visitor talked to me about being “good enough” as a parent because I was burning myself out trying to be a perfect parent and working full time. Being “good enough” wasn’t a concept that I understood and it has taken many years to notice and challenge my perfectionist tendencies.
One of the best things that I’ve found is asking myself whether I would expect the same from one of my friends? It’s much easier to be gentle and forgiving of others but we can be so hard on ourselves. If I notice that I’m expecting too much of myself I will try and lower my expectations. It can feel a bit uncomfortable to do this but I know that being more compassionate with myself is the right thing to do and I have found over time that my self-expectations have gradually become more realistic.
I recently posted my first Facebook live session teaching a short mindfulness practice. Normally I’m fairly comfortable with doing this live in a group but I really felt the nerves doing something in front of a camera. I’m trying hard to resist the temptation to delete it. If it was one of my friends doing this I would have congratulated them on being brave and trying their best. My inner critic is telling me that it wasn’t the perfect version that I wanted to film but the wiser part of my mind knows that you all want to see the real version of me, you want to know that I’m not perfect and that I experience the same emotions as you.
I hope that it gets a bit easier to do the live sessions but I am reminding myself in the meantime that I’m doing a “good enough” job.
If you want to read more about learning to be perfectly imperfect have a look at this: Mindfulness: Mindfulness: The Antidote for Perfectionism – Mindful
Spot on Aileen. Firstly, congratulations on creating your business, your website and Facebook page. And congratulations on your first video. I’ve been comfortable with publishing my writing, photos and even with doing radio over the years but I still find video very daunting!
The first time I was invited to give a lecture abroad about my experience working at the Centre for Integrative Care I was very, very anxious about getting it just right. An Italian friend and colleague said to me “There’s nothing to worry about. They’ve asked you to share your experience, so just do that. Who is going to say “That’s not your experience”. That advice stayed with me forever.
So I’ll pass it on to you today. Be yourself, share your experience, including your knowledge and your skills. It will certainly be “good enough” because you’ll do it with heart and authenticity. And because you’re special. You’re unique.